Happy Birthday, Cabot!

A letter to Cabot on his fifth birthday.

Dear Cabot,

We are all so excited to celebrate your fifth birthday. Benson has been talking about it for days and Ainsley for weeks (because she's prepared like that). Ainsley made you a card and birthday decorations. Benson tried to convince Baba to let you stay up late and watch the tablet using your birthday tomorrow as the excuse. We've wrapped your presents and we'll bake a cake tomorrow. Saturday we'll swim and celebrate with extended family.

You have brought so much joy to our family. You are such a happy guy. You're silly and often wearing that infectious smile of yours. You love attention and like to have us watch you do things...anything...like take a bite of food. You love super heroes, The Incredibles, Power Rangers, and Paw Patrol. You like wrestling with your brother and singing and dancing with your sister. You ask for Jie Jie when she's not home but you won't give her a kiss and a hug at night. You think it's funny when she pretends to get mad. You will happily give Benson a hug and kiss because you're a stinker like that.

Speaking of kisses, you like to do the "triple kiss" - right cheek, left cheek, then lips. You pull us in for hugs now. You still ask to be picked up and held and even want to be carried around in the baby carrier. We're more than happy to indulge this affection. You like to do fist bumps and "blow it up." You are SO ticklish.

You've started wanting to pick out MY clothes and shoes and seem to (unfortunately for me) love the color yellow. You still wear your shoes all the time, much to the detriment of all the rest of our toes. You still love ramen noodles but will eat most things now and you have a BIG appetite. You especially love popcorn. You do NOT love slime (making you my favorite kid 😉).

You still suck your finger at night and you still sleep with mom and dad. You love to look through our photo books and have us tell you everyone's name (even though you already know them). Sometimes you'll find a picture of Benson and declare that it's you in the picture. We don't tell you that it isn't.

We met you 86 days ago. Eighty-six. That's not a lot. You spent 1,724 days in an orphanage starting at just 10 days old. My heart aches for every one of those days. It aches for the four birthdays we missed. Because I never got to hold baby Cabot. I never smelled your sweet newborn head. I can't reminisce about the day you were born because I wasn't there.

I can't change the past. I'm not sure I would even if I could. Because THIS is our story. This is YOUR story. And I know it's been written exactly as it should be. So I'll still grieve over the things we missed but I'll also find joy in what's ahead.

Happy, happy birthday sweet Cabot. Thank you for all you've given us. We can't wait to spend ALL the rest of your birthdays with you.

All our love, always,

Mom & Dad

The Highlight Reel

In social media there's often talk about "the highlight reel" - how so many people share the very best parts of their lives. How we take 40 pictures to get one good one. How what's shared isn't "real life."

Full disclosure...I'm definitely sharing the highlight reel. I just don't take pictures of the times Cabot is crying to be able to share them with you. And even if I did, I don't feel it would be respectful of his life and his story to share them.

I do however, try to keep it real. So I'll tell you that there have certainly been hard times. While he's definitely grieving less than when we were in China, he still has rough nights where he wakes up crying. He often wants me or Jeremy to put an arm over him and keep it there or hold his hand all night long. I think it makes him feel safe. I hope it does anyway.

He's very...shall we say...particular. He likes to get dressed right away in the morning. I took him downstairs in his pajamas one day and he was so upset about it (so we took him back upstairs and dressed him). He has to have his shoes on when he gets dressed even if we're not going anywhere. He likes to keep them on always. So we let him.

He doesn't cry when he gets hurt. He can run face-first into doors, fall down, bonk his head, even fall down the stairs and he doesn't cry. A few whimpers when he got four shots at the doctor and not a peep when they (unsuccessfully) tried to draw his blood. Is it because crying didn't yield comfort during the first four years of his life? I don't know but my heart aches knowing that could be the reason.

So, yes there are hard times that I'm not sharing and it is definitely not to make it seem like this is easy. I will be the first one to tell you it is not. It's hard. But I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, it's worth it.

And I'm here to talk about it. If you've followed this journey and you feel it's been laid on your heart to adopt or support adoption in some way, let me know! I'd love to talk with you about it! I'll tell you all about the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Two Week Update

We've been home for two weeks! I had to check the calendar to make sure that was correct because it seems like longer than that. Maybe that's because he just fits in our family. Like he was supposed to be here all along.

He helped decorate his first Christmas tree.

He LOVES these singing snowmen.

He likes Daisy now.

He loves when Ainsley reads him books.

He sings along to Old McDonald had a farm.

He "helps" Ainsley practice piano.

He loves to snuggle in the morning.

He would spend half the day in the bath if you let him.

He got his first pair of snow boots.

He's a great errand buddy and he had his first trip to Target, Hobby Lobby, and Michaels.

He doesn't hate being carried around in the carrier as long as it means he's touching me and I'm not out of his sight.

I want to take a quick second and thank everyone who has brought us meals. It has been such a huge blessing to have one less thing to worry about as we settle into our new normal and we truly appreciate it. It's been fun to try new recipes too! Definitely a couple we'll be adding to our regular rotation.

One Week Home

Cabot has been home one week! I'd have to say he's adjusting pretty well.

We're all still getting over jet lag but he's a good sleeper and NOT a morning person. He likes his sleep and he likes to wake up slowly and just chill in bed for awhile.

Last weekend he had his first trip to Walmart. He initially was NOT a fan of sitting in the shopping cart.

But after a Paw Patrol toothbrush and cup he was more accepting of the situation.

He basically always has a Nerf gun in his hand.

Sometimes while wearing Belle gloves.

We walk Ben and Ainsley to the bus stop in the morning.

And on Monday he shook everyone's hand - haha this is a hilarious and adorable habit he picked up!

He had his first trip to HyVee and when I put him in a car cart he knew just what to do with the steering wheel.

He's also low-key obsessed with this Power Rangers mask.

He uses my makeup brushes as microphones (and also puts them IN his mouth making it rather difficult to apply makeup with them).

He had his first doctor's appointment during which he refused to take off his mittens.

He enjoys wearing his sister's Girl Scout vest, baseball hats, and had to try a ponytail.

 He loves his sister and she is AMAZING with him.

Brother is pretty cool too.

And he still LOVES watermelon!

China - Day 14

Wednesday, November 14th, 2018

We slept in and had a lovely breakfast at the hotel this morning. It was so nice not to have anywhere to rush off to.

I usually look through the days pictures to remember what we did to type up these blogs (because yes, I have trouble remembering this morning) and I found this gem:

We spent some time packing which Ainsley documented for me - ha!

We went to the pool one more time.

Then we wandered around a bit and ate at a little noodle place.

Grandma Barb bought a few desserts and Cab was interested in Ainsley's which she gladly shared with him. :)

More packing tonight and then we start the LOONNNGGG journey home tomorrow afternoon. All prayers for smooth travels are appreciated!

China - Day 13

Tuesday, November 13th, 2018

Today Jeremy, Cabot and I headed off to the U.S. Consulate here in Guangzhou first thing in the morning. But first Cabot was giving his brother and sister some love. So cute!

So anyway...off to the consulate.

So sleepy!

We couldn't take any electronics into the consulate so this was right after:

In the evening we went on a Pearl River cruise which was so beautiful!

Tomorrow there's nothing on the schedule and we plan to take it easy on our last full day in China!