We'll be trying again. We went to the fertility clinic today and I had my blood drawn. The nurse called a couple hours later and confirmed what I already knew - I am not pregnant.
I definitely feel like I let my hopes get too high. There are so many highs and lows and ups and downs. I really feel physically exhausted from the emotional roller coaster this has been. It is hard to stay positive and sometimes I think it's healthier to be realistic instead of positive. For example when you've had 3 negative home pregnancy tests you pretty much know you aren't pregnant. Why put myself through being hopeful and being let down again.
I am feeling somewhat alone in this, like no one else really knows what I'm going through. And you couldn't know unless you've been through this before. Maybe I need a support group or something. "Hi, I'm Reanna and I'm infertile."
So last night I took like 2 hours and read a great blog that was recommended to me (thanks Sabrina!). It is written by someone WAY more positive than I am and it really helped to "settle me" emotionally. It helped me to remember that God has a plan for us. Maybe that plan is that our next IVF cycle will be successful. Maybe it is that we will never be able to have children - I hope that isn't the case but it has been proven that we don't have much control over this. Kelly, who writes this blog, also said she thinks that God wants us to ask for things so that when He gives them to us, we know to give thanks to Him. This made me stop and think. I've sort of always been of the opinion that it isn't appropriate to ask God for "things." I have prayed for peace, and patience, and strength during this process but I think next cycle I'll pray for a baby too...
So, what's next? Well, I have to set up an appointment to follow up with our doctor. I am very hopeful that we can get started on another cycle as soon as possible. We have five frozen embryos and our thought is that we will keep trying until those are all gone and if we still aren't pregnant we are going to start looking at adoption. That's hard to say - or type - sort of like talking about giving up on your dreams...hopefully it doesn't come to that.
Thanks for all the prayers, positive thoughts, and support. It is so comforting to know we aren't alone on this journey!
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im so glad you decided to read kellys corner! She is so motivational for me!
ReplyDeleteHang in there Reanna!
Yes..pray for a baby. I thank God every day over and over for Quincy. We know that it wasn't a doctor or drug that gave us Quincy. But GOD. He is a miracle from above that God knew was coming all along. I pray that God's plan will come into effect soon for you. And although I know you want to have a baby...through our process, we realizd how beautiful the option of adoption is. We hope that it is in God's plan for us to adopt someday...hang in there sweetie! Your plan will unfold..and it will be AWESOME!!!!! :)
ReplyDeleteMy Mom told me the other day while I was in Northern Michigan about your Saturday Blog. I am so sorry to hear that... Keep doing whatever you need to do and hang in there! There are so many people supporting you, hoping for you and praying for you as well! Stay strong... the good things in life are definitely worth fighting for! Let me know if you need anything - even if its an escape with some retail therapy!
ReplyDeleteStefanie